Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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