I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
