so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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