you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
