Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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