have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
