He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
