you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I FOUND THE LEGS
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize