Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
