I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
