I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
