could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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