I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
