im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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