The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
