I wanna passion pit in your ass
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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