I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
