Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
