Will you blow on my dice?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize