I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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