so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize