Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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