just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
