going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
