Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So apparently I’m into choking now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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