Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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