guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
