I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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