So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
