I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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