There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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