Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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