The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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