well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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