woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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