Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
