I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
