I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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