If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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