I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
