Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She even gives head with a lisp.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
