Non-Jews are for practice
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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