i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
