three words: i give head
three words: not that well
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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