I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize