Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
