cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
