onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
