please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
