I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
