Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
