I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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