I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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