I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
