Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
