Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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