I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
