i already hear my dad disowning me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize