Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
