That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
