I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
