Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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