Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize