swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
