thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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