I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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