I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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