Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
