Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
