I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
