i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize