she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
