She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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