mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize