I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
