I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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