what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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