i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
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