That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
