I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize