lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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