I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
