dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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