youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
