That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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