If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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