idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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