i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
