That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize