First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
