Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
