i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
