Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize