oh god the rape fog is back!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
