I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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