oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
