oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
