i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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