I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
3pm strippers are depressing
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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