yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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