My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
