Barsexuality is the new black.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
