the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Drunk is not a location!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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