Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
