You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she looked like the before picture.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
