i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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