you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize