I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
